DECALOGUE

DECALOGUE, n. A series of commandments, ten in number — just enough to permit an intelligent selection for observance, but not enough to embarrass the choice. Following is the revised edition of the Decalogue, calculated for this meridian.

1. Thou shalt no God but me adore:
   ‘Twere too expensive to have more.
2. No images nor idols make
   For Robert Ingersoll to break.
3. Take not God’s name in vain; select
   A time when it will have effect.
4. Work not on Sabbath days at all,
   But go to see the teams play ball.
5. Honor thy parents. That creates
   For life insurance lower rates.
6. Kill not, abet not those who kill;
   Thou shalt not pay thy butcher’s bill.
7. Kiss not thy neighbor’s wife, unless
   Thine own thy neighbor doth caress.
8. Don’t steal; thou’lt never thus compete
   Successfully in business. Cheat.
9. Bear not false witness — that is low —
   But “hear ’tis rumored so and so.”
10. Covet thou naught that thou hast not
    By hook or crook, or somehow, got.

—G.J.