CONSCIENCEn. A morbid condition of the stomach, affecting the gray matter of the brain and producing a mental discord.

His conscience never did afflict him,
Save when he’d badly dined;
Then like a creditor it kicked him,

Vainly the parson he consulted
How to allay the pain;
E’en while he prays he’s catapulted

Thus failing times without a number,
He sought a doctor out,
Who said: “You’ve eaten a cucumber,
No doubt.”

“Yes, Doctor, but I didn’t steal it;
Then why this dark distress?”
“You mean, my friend, you didn’t peel it,
I guess.

“Woes that defy the world’s religions —
The Spirit’s brooding ills —
We scatter, like a flock of pigeons,
With pills.”